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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28096956">The Super-Secret Mission</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ways/pseuds/Ways'>Ways</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RWBY</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, Drabble, Humor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:54:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,366</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28096956</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ways/pseuds/Ways</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Salem has given Mercury a mission that only he can accomplish. He takes it with the utmost seriousness.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Super-Secret Mission</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this was inspired by a Twitter post that was shared in a friend group and I thought it would be funny.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>“I have a very important task for you, Mercury. You are the only one that can accomplish it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I won’t let you down, Ma’am.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The words echoed in his mind as he arrived at his destination. Just as most places were in Atlas, this building was massive, ever imposing and threatening. Even as the Grimm rampaged the streets and the other members of Salem’s faction poured blood throughout the alleys, Mercury ignored it all, focusing on the extra special assignment that Salem had given him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he entered the sliding doors, he pulled out his scroll and immediately contacted Salem. “I’ve made it into the facility. Will proceed with caution.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excellent work, Mercury. Do keep me informed of your progress and call should any unforeseen obstacles arrive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Understood.” Mercury nodded before cutting contact and proceeding inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mercury started off like a shot, quick to duck into cover and peek around a corner. He couldn’t help but let out a smirk as he saw that not many people were there due to the invasion outside. Any and all matter of security seemed to be tending to their own duties, unknowing that one of the future rulers of the world had slipped in right under their noses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is gonna be like taking candy from a baby.” He snickered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quick to duck behind a corner again, he continued his infiltration towards his target. He was extra careful to duck behind more corners and run when the time was right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At one point, one of the many guards had rounded the corner but Mercury was quick. Using the firepower in his boots, he propelled himself up into the air and began to run across the tops of the objects in the room, snagging all sorts of materials along the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mercury loved this, knowing that he was doing even better at this mission than he had hoped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hopped down from his perch above, arriving at his destination. This was all too easy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, sir. Welcome to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Atlas’ Mercy</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Remnant’s number one shopping destination. How may I help you today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mercury didn’t hesitate, turning around on a dime and letting out a roundhouse and a gunshot from his boots towards the source of the voice. But the owner, a young raccoon faunus woman with black rings around her eyes and a striped tail, simply sidestepped the blow and the shot hit one of the fluorescent lights on the ceiling causing it to fall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both Mercury and the employee stared at the light for a moment before he jumped back, his fists held high in a fighting stance as he bounced between both feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In one of his hands, he was able to produce his scroll and was quick to call Salem.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your grace, I have arrived for the package but my cover has been blown!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Salem growled on the other end. “Very well. Proceed with caution as you deal with the locals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Understood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mercury still stood there with his fists held high and looked at the faunus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mercury, despite how serious he was taking this, was not in some super-secret Atlesian base to steal something right out from the General’s nose. Instead, he was in the middle of a shopping mall in Atlas, trying to pick out items of great importance to Salem. And those items were right around them as they were in the middle of the hygiene section. Deodorants, sprays, tampons, pads, soaps and the like surrounded the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you here to pick out something for your girlfriend?” The faunus continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mercury was disgusted. “She’s not my girlfriend!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right… Because a guy that gets that defensive isn’t dating someone. Lemme guess, you’ve been sneaking around this place like you’re James Bond because it’s that time of the month and you don’t wanna get caught by your guy friends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am on a super-secret mission of the utmost importance!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, man. Whatever you say.” She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mercury sighed. “Fine… I’m looking for pads. You got any?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but do you know what size? You have a specific brand in mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mercury frowned, looking at the items stacked on the wall and thought about it before shrugging. “Just get me something fit for a queen who will rule the world with an iron fist, allowing me to stand by her side as one of the top dogs of the-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, you got issues, man.” The raccoon girl said. “But from what I can tell, you’re probably talking about some high class stuffy Atlesian so please follow me this way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The raccoon girl was quick to leave the aisle to which Mercury was quick to follow after. They made their way through a maze of all sorts of food and groceries and the like, before they finally arrived at their destination.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two were standing in what was clearly a far more high class section of the store where both the layout was far more fancy than that of the rest of the store, each of the items had some sort of ritzy language that Mercury couldn’t be bothered to understand and the clientele all gave off an air of superiority that made Mercury want to kick them in the teeth. Still, the silver haired assassin followed the young woman until they arrived at the hygiene section and he handed him a box.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>Elegance </span>
  </em>
  <span>made only for the highest of Atlesian class. Highly rated by the top physicians, endorsed by the greatest celebrities, laced with soothing herbs and a touch of ice dust for relief, topped with flakes of gold for added flare and comfort.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds horribly uncomfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably, but the stiffs up in Atlas will believe anything as long as it’s shiny so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Works for me.” Mercury shrugged. “I’ll take ‘em all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman nodded and handed Mercury stacks of boxes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that very moment though, the wall behind them crumbled and in came a roaring Hazel, who was freshly dusted with electricity crackling around his body from the dust crystals pierced in his forearms. Strapped to his chest was a baby carrier holding none other than Oscar Pine. His eyes were still glowing golden though so it was the other one in control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ozpin looked right at Mercury, the imminent mix of fear and relief in his eyes among other things. “You! You are one of Salem’s followers! Please! Leave her and help me so that maybe we can-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it was too late as Hazel bounded out of the building taking the screaming farm wizard with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two simply stared at the hole in the wall for a few moments before the attendant turned to him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So should we head to checkout?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On their way to checkout, Mercury looked over at the employee and couldn’t help but wonder something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, how come all of you guys haven’t evacuated the building? The city’s under attack and if all goes according to plan is probably gonna fall out of the sky within the next hour or so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, I work in retail. Even if the store caught on fire, my boss wouldn’t let any of us leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair. Say, would you be interested in assisting the queen of Grimm in world domination?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Depends. Does it pay well enough to put me through Atlas Academy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Eventually…”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I’ll stick with my day job. Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they arrived at checkout, all the boxes were put into bags. The attendant, who was now manning the register, smiled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. That’ll be 42,527 lien.” She announced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cute and all but I ain’t paying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without another word, Mercury scooped up the bags, lifted his leg in the air and let out a shot that burst the sliding door off of its hinges before he casually strolled out of the store.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The raccoon faunus looked dumbfoundedly at this only for a gang of looters in skimasks to run into the store and begin to take things out of the store in a frenzy. Along the way, a fire began to let out engulfing the entire store but she sighed and got back to work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Atlas’ Mercy…</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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